The Roses and Rainbows are Fading...

We arrived in Guangzhou yesterday, and we're already feeling so much more at peace than we were during the latter part of last week.  But, I don't want to forget what it felt like to be in Zhengzhou for 9 days, so I want to write about it.  So, even though I'm a little late in writing it, here goes...

The first few days of being in Zhengzhou were so amazing.  There are no words to describe the joy we felt the day we got Kenan.  But by Wednesday the 27th, almost a week after receiving Kenan, we had had enough.  We were both longing for the United States with such gusto that I didn't know if it was even going to be bearable to stay here for 6 more days.

I loved Kenan from the moment I saw his referral picture, but even more so once I actually saw him with my own eyes! He was so handsome and snuggly and I just couldn't believe that God would entrust me with this gift that was so precious.  He bonded to me almost immediately, and he loved for Strider to tease him and play with him as long as he was sitting safely in my lap.  But, he didn't want to be out of my sight even for a second.  It didn't bother Strider at first- he was glad that Kenan had bonded with me- but after almost a week of not having Kenan like him as much as he liked me started to get to him.  And I can't blame him.  While Kenan liked me better than Strider, he would have sold me out in a heartbeat if a young Chinese girl would have offered to take him home.  And who can blame him?  Our baby has been through so much upheaval in the last week and a half that anything familiar probably looked pretty good to him.  But, a mother longs to be wanted.  And knowing that I had two little boys at home that loved me and missed me and liked me more than anybody else- except Strider- we're equal :)- made it really hard to like Kenan all the time.  I felt sad and disappointed and a little mad that he liked those women he didn't even know better than he liked me.  And of course those thoughts are irrational.  But, when you're sleep-deprived and America-deprived and other children-deprived, your thoughts can get a little bit out of control.  (Note: my three break-downs so far have happened at night- it's true that everything always seems better in the morning) 

When we took Kenan to the zoo this past Wednesday, a sweet young Chinese lady (maybe age 20) wanted to practice her English, so she was talking and walking with us.  Well, she started to talk to Kenan while he was in his stroller, and he reached up his arms, so she picked him up.  In my head, I'm like "Noooooo!!!  He's supposed to be bonding with us and you're going to mess everything up!!"  But, I tried to remain calm and so after she carried him for a few minutes, I reach to take him back from her, and he screams bloody murder.  He wanted to stay with her!  That broke my heart.  I just want him to see me as his mom so bad!  I had to walk away with him while he screamed for this other woman.  Over his screams, I'm trying to tell Strider to tell our agency representative to tell that lady that she has got to go!  So, she leaves us and life is ok again.  I've even got pictures to prove it! 

Strider and Kenan really started to begin to bond on this trip because there was a playground area and Kenan actually let Strider help him climb and slide and they had some good moments together!  Kenan's laugh is so contagious and he is so fun to play with.  He has such a sweet, playful spirit. 

The other thing that has been so hard about being in China has been the constant (and by constant I mean literally every single person that walks by us) stares and comments that we get.  We can't just take a walk and mind our own business.  When we first arrived, it was a little funny and not that big of a deal.  But, by the time we had endured it for almost a week, we were ready to punch some people out.  I'm glad that we are followers of Jesus, because it might have been a different story if we weren't. 

It's so disconcerting that no matter where we went, people would surround the stroller and talk loudly in Chinese as if we weren't there.  We have no idea if they were talking about the fact that we didn't have him dressed properly, that he only has one hand, that they just thought it was really weird that two foreigners had a Chinese baby with them, or something else entirely.  But, whatever the reason, we had reached our breaking point.  I should definitely have looked up how to say, "Mind your own business" in Chinese before we left.  But, they've probably never heard that phrase in their life.  They know nothing about personal space or personal business here.  I didn't realize what a blessing it is to go for a walk in my neighborhood without being the object of everyone's attention.  I cannot wait to get back to the U.S. and just be one in 315,000,000.   Only 4 more days now!

But, like I said, we are now in Guangzhou, our last leg of the trip, and it is so much better!  We can even order Subway or Papa Johns and have it delivered!  And there are Americans all over the hotel with Chinese babies!  The U.S. Consulate is located here in Guangzhou, so no matter where your child is from, every adoptive family has to stay here to go to their Consulate appointment.  It's so nice to finally be able to speak to more people than just our guide and the Wilson family- even though we are so so so thankful for the Wilsons :)  Breakfast and dinner with them each day has been a saving grace for us throughout this process.

Please continue to pray for safe travels for us as well as Asher and Mac and my parents as they bring them back to FL from NC.  And please pray for bonding to continue between us and Kenan.

I'll write another post a different day with more details about our experience here in Guangzhou.  We're going to travel to an island tomorrow that we've heard is similar to Charleston and hopefully attend a church with a bilingual service for Easter.  Hopefully, I'll have some fun pictures to post from there!  Thank you for coming along with us on this journey!